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Week 3 – Arizona Cardinals (1-1) @ New England Patriots (0-2)
Strengths
- Deep receiving corps. No, deeper than that. Barry White saying the word “deep”
in his deepest voice after smoking 40 unfiltered Camels while sitting in a
submarine at the bottom of the Marianas Trench and contemplating the meaning of
the universe. We’re talking “deeeeeeeeeeeeep”. At the very least.
- Linebackers. And Ty Law, of course.
- Our defence focuses on trying to make the opposition move down the field in
short steps and not giving up a big play. The Patriot offence focuses on moving
down the field in short steps and not worrying too much about big plays.
Weaknesses
- There are plenty of things our defence struggles with. Covering four or five
good, not great, receivers shouldn’t be one of them. He says, confidently.
- Indifferent at running back.
Game Plan
On offence, we’re going to concentrate early on passing the ball to whoever
isn’t covered by Ty Law – Johnno could be in for a big game – in order to loosen
up the fierce Pat front seven and buy Marcel Shipp some running-room.
Have I mentioned how much I hate playing against 3-4 defences? Oh.
On defence, well... there’s not much we can do, really, apart from stick to what
we’re doing well, show some discipline in maintaining our zones and try to get
enough pressure to force Brady into making a mistake. The run is pretty much an
afterthought for these Pats, so unless something seriously unexpected happens we
can concentrate on getting some pass-rush.
Could be a tight one, this.
-
If you’ve got to play the Patriots in WannaBuyARazor? Field, September is
probably the time to do it. None of this sub-zero temperature,
playing-in-three-feet-of-snow malarkey.
New England have started the season with straight losses to NFC West opponents –
coughing up 30 points to the Seahawks, then 27 to San Fran. The last thing Bill
Belichick will want is to go into the bye week winless, so you have to imagine
that the Pats are going to throw everything they’ve got at us.
The Pats win the toss and elect to receive the kick, while we will have the
moderate breeze at our backs in the endgame. Which is nice. On the very first
play from scrimmage, Brady goes looking for my ex-best friend Daniel Graham over
the middle but hits Levar Fisher square in both hands. Unfortunately, Fisher
seems to have a moment where he thinks he’s a member of the Philadelphia Eagles’
receiving corps, just watching dumbly as the ball bounces off him and hits the
floor, the entire crowd exhaling in relief.
Idiot. How long is it going to be before Brady gives us another opportunity like
that?
Um... two plays, as it turns out. 3rd and 8, the quarterback once again tries to
get his pass down the seam to Graham, again it’s Fisher in the underneath zone,
and this time he makes no mistake. 1st down at the 22. The Pat defence steps up,
though, and Whatshisname Gramatica comes in to clobber the trey and open the
scoring. ARI 3-0 NE.
The Patriots come right back at us, though – camped at our 30 yard line after an
ugly but effective drive, New England run a toss play left with Kevin Faulk, but
we read it well and a whole pack of defenders close in to make the tackle...
ooop, Cody’s missed him, never mind, Dexter’s there... oh. Well, here comes the
cover... it’s okay, they’ll catch him in a second. Any second... Any second
now... Any... damn. ARI 3-7 NE
Not to worry. I think I’ve sussed the defensive scheme out – almost every down
seems to be a blitz, so we just have to make sure there’s a dump-off option on
each play. Johnno gets 15 on a tight post-pattern and the zebras tack on another
15 for a grab of the facemask on the way down. Back to the well we go again, 20
more to Johnson, and Eugene Wilson is starting to get a wee bit of a
deer-in-the-headlights look over on that corner, which is always nice to see in
the first quarter. Heh heh heh. 3rd down and 9 at the New England 12, and to
discourage us from making Eugene Wilson cry the Patriots dial up Ty Law on a
corner-blitz from the other side – but Blake sees trouble coming and pulls the
trigger, hitting Anquan Boldin in the gap behind the blitz before the safety can
get over to cover. End of the 1st quarter, ARI 10-7 NE
Following a Patriot 3-and-out, we waste no time in driving back into the shadow
of the New England goalposts. On 3rd and 2 inside the 10, Anquan Boldin finds a
seam in the zone, parks himself there and waits as Jeff Blake rolls away from
pressure and winds up... All Boldin has to do is stay still, make the catch and
collect the plaudits - but for some unfathomable reason, even as the quarterback
is in the midst of his throwing action, the receiver gets bored and wanders away
from his spot. Blake tries to make a late, late adjustment to account for
Boldin's happy feet but succeeds only in throwing straight to Mike Vrabel who
gratefully accepts the interception. Nice one, Anquan, you six-foot feckwit.
Luckily, the Patriots have hit a roadblock on offence and quickly give us the
ball back after Ronald McKinnon shoots the gap on 3rd and short and hammers
Faulk in the backfield. 1st and 10 at our own 47 following the punt, and the
Patriots bring a zone blitz, DE Richard Seymour dropping back into coverage as
the rush comes. For the first time all afternoon, Anquan Boldin steals half a
step on Ty Law, and Jeff Blake threads a perfect pass through three Patriot
d-backs to hit the slanting receiver in-stride. Boldin bounces off Rodney
Harrison and breaks away, just outrunning a gaining-with-every-step Law 53 yards
to the endzone. I suppose that makes up for his idiocy on the goal-line. A bit.
ARI 17-7 NE
The Patriots are in danger of losing touch, and, as always seems to happen for
them, one of their marginal talents steps up to single-handedly keep them in the
game. Halfback Kevin Faulk outruns Levar Fisher to the outside and makes a nice
catch down the sideline to get New England out of their own half – then flies
straight down the seam for another reception, and all of a sudden it’s 1st and
goal at our 5. Will someone please remind that bloke which Faulk he is? You’re
the Average Faulk, not the Brilliant Faulk, you buffoon! 1st and 5 is, of
course, a passing down if you happen to be the New England Patriots, and Bethel
Johnson does a nice job getting some space for himself, Brady guns it in to his
man... who drops it.
Everyone thinks they’re playing for Philly today, don’t they?
Johnson finds a different way of screwing things up for his team on 2nd, this
time making the catch, but stopping half a pace too early on his route to do so.
Still, 3rd and a foot, they’ll just line up behind that great o-line and have
Antowain Smith batter it over, or send Brady on the sneak, won’t they?
Eh? Four wide receivers? Charlie Weis has been sniffing paint-thinner again,
hasn’t he? We come out in a goal-line set, wary of the
spread-the-defence-then-run-the-draw tactic the Pats caught us with earlier.
Brady takes the snap, half our defence comes crashing into the backfield half a
second later, somehow he manages to get rid of the ball but the only target he
has is Kevin Faulk in the flat and before the little git can take a step forward
Adrian Wilson arrives to batter him to the ground. A silly play-call gets its
just reward. Vinatieri makes no mistake with the stupidly short field-goal, and
that ends the scoring for the first half as a couple of punts see us through to
the end of the 2nd quarter - ARI 17-10 NE
-
Seven points up and getting the ball back to start the half, what we really
want to do is get our ground attack working and shorten the game. Keep grinding,
keep the clock moving, minimise the number of possessions the Patriots have
available to get back at us.
This is the theory.
Marcel gets a couple of carries straight after the kickoff which take us out to
our own 45 and get us a first down. The Pats respond by bringing their free
safety up into the “box” to offer support against the run... which leaves Bryant
Johnson in man-coverage against, let’s see... oh, wouldn’t you know it? It’s
your friend and mine, Eugene Wilson, who really has the look of a man who wishes
he’d called in sick this morning. Johnno blows him away with a drop of the
outside shoulder and a textbook inside cut, Jeff Blake leads Johnson into the
gap behind the blitzing safety and then it’s a footrace to the endzone and only
one winner. 55 yards, ARI 24-10 NE
And the defence go out and get us the ball back, as well, Paul Grasmanis leading
a jailbreak to the quarterback on 3rd and 4. There’s no dramatics this time,
just a five-minute drive that only stalls at the New England 20. I think
seriously about going for it on 4th and 2, but in the end sanity prevails and
with just 4 minutes left in the third quarter, Whatshisname hits a 37-yarder to
put us three scores in front - ARI 27-10 NE
That’s an insurmountable lead, Shirley?
Of course it isn’t. And don’t call me Shirley. I’d like to blame the defence for
what happens next, but in truth it’s utterly and completely my fault – the Pats
come out in a five-wide set, and in response I cockily go to the dime and call a
cornerback blitz. To be fair, we’re close to getting there, and Dexter Jackson
is close to picking the pass off – but close, as a chap once said, only counts
in horseshoes and hand-grenades. David Givens, 80 yards, and suddenly the
Patriots’ collective corpse is twitching a bit. ARI 21-17 NE
With horrible predictability our offence, unstoppable all the second half,
chooses this breathtakingly inconvenient moment to go three-and-out. 1st down
Pats at their own 31, and Brady hits Kevin Faulk – who’s rapidly turning himself
into the new J*r*me B*tt*s – drifting upfield between the tramlines in among 4
defensive backs. Faulk, of course, makes three blokes miss and breaks the tackle
of the 4th, and it’s goodbye. I’m getting the vague feeling that the momentum
might just have swung a touch. Ever get the feeling that someone doesn’t want
you to run away with a game? End of 3, ARI 27-24 NE
Roundabout now would be a nice time for the offence to collectively get its arse
in gear, what with the whole
Patriots-Cutting-A-17-Point-Lead-To-3-Points-In-The-Space-Of-5-Minutes thing,
and the crowd at GoOnYouKnowYouWantToBuyARazorReally Field starting to really
get their dander up. We need to be flawless from here on out, just flawless.
So that holding penalty on the kickoff that means we’re starting on our own 12 –
would that be a good sign, d’you think?
Which makes what follows all the more surprising – 15 plays, 72 yards and,
crucially, seven minutes without the Pats even really looking like they’re going
to put the brakes on us. Their defence really seems to be wearing down now, and
every run by Shipp is handing out more punishment to their tired front seven.
They can’t stop us – so we have a crack at stopping ourselves. A false start
penalty makes it 1st and 15 on the Pat 19 and a quandary – I don’t want to go to
the air and risk a pick or a stop of the clock, but on the other hand a
field-goal isn’t actually all that much use to us. Argh.
We start with a run up the gut, but New England are waiting for it and Shipp
barely gets past the line of scrimmage – 2nd and 14, 4:23 left in the game.
Well, no sense in waiting ‘till third down to pass, if we’re going to do it, it
had best be now before they’re sure it’s coming. A nice safe call, quick routes,
an option to check down to – and Jeff hits Bryant Johnson on the curl for 11
before the massed ranks of the Patriot secondary can close to tackle him. 3rd
and 3, Shipp off the left tackle, but Tedy Bruschi is right there to meet him
and with 3 minutes left, it’s 4th and 1 at the Patriot 5-yard-line.
Faint heart never won fair whatever. What the hell, let’s go for it.
Out we come in our goal-line set, the crowd giving it plenty. Nothing fancy now,
none of your Charlie Weis/Mike Martz See-How-Clever-My-Play-Design-Is nonsense
here, just nine blockers in a very tight space, Blake hands off to Shipp who
runs up behind the biggest two of them...
For four yards.
Wallop!
1st and goal at the 1, and from there Shipp needs only one more go – 20 plays
have taken us 88 yards and ground nine and a half minutes off the clock.
Textbook. 2:12 to play, ARI 34-24 NE
And it’s just as well we secured the 10-point lead, because the New England
offence is touched by the hand of God at the moment – even a Larry Dickerson
sack barely slows them down as they fly downfield in an awful hurry, the drive
capped off by – who else? – Kevin bloody Faulk And His Cavalcade Of Whimsy, who
once again switches on his sodding Teflon-o-matic Tackle-Deflector Screens and
goes 39 yards for his third TD. 187 yards he’s got through the air now. 187!
Jesus. The depressing thing is that our secondary really is playing a lot
better than it did last year... 1:35 to play, and that’s the last flourish from
the Patriots as backup TE Jeb Bush recovers the onside kick then Shipp goes out
and gets the one first-down we need to run the clock out. It’s a game that was
much, much closer than it ought to have been, but one that was enlivened by
season-best performances from Jeff Blake (23/32, 317 yds, 3 TD/ 1 INT) and
Marcel Shipp, who’s carried 36(!) times for 111 yards and a score. ARI 34-31
NE, 2-1 on the year.
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(c) daniel
roe 2004
